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One Last Reminiscence

April 19, 2010

My 37 weeks if pregnancy were among the most uncomfortable in my life. Not to mention the fact that keeping the baby inside was a piece of cake compared to getting him out. And yet…. I really miss being pregnant.

Nothing compares to having a babe in arms and being able to watch and delight in him– it is truly the most wonderful thing.
After Peter was born my postpartum hormone crash hit the day I took him home. First I freaked out because all I wanted was to go back to the hospital and my practical, unflappable, caring nurses. Then I sat with my baby in my lap and cried for ages because I realized that from the moment he entered he world, he would be doing nothing but pulling farther and farther away from me.

Ok, yeah, hormones are wacky things and I got over it. I spent my mayernity leave enjoying every second with him and I was able to drop him off at daycare with a kiss and a smile. I look forward to seeing him in the evening and inhalig his sweet baby smell.

But during the day I miss being pregnant. I miss taking him to work. He was like my little secret friend. Hidden from eveyine else I, alone, could feel him move and jump. We were continuously together and I could feel our moods intertwine. We were never in that dreaded human state if aloneness.
Nowadays I am still retraining myself to think as a single person. HH hitting the brakes hard no longer triggers contrctions, but I find myself stiffening myself in preperation anyway. When I feel a sudden pain in my abdomen, my first thought it still “the baby!”

So I cannot wait to have another little secret… But taking care of a baby is much harder than I figured, so wait I shall. At least each of my children will always know how much I loved carrying them– even though I am prone to comaining about all the little discomforts.

I would often tell HH my current list of complaints and state that feeling the baby move was he only positive side of prgnancy. He once asked if that positive outweighed the negatives and I told him the truth– no matter how sick I am or how many episodes of heartburn, cramping, and contractions I go through, all it takes it one kick to even the scale.

Eh, maybe I wasn’t that poetic, but you get the drift. And now I am officially done talking about pregnancy in his blog and moving on to focus on our new family life.

Next up: peter’s baptism!

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