The Making of A Wife
I recently read some thought provoking articles/blogposts.
The first was this article (HT to David). I really loved how it defined manhood as not being the opposite of womanhood, but rather the opposite of childhood. When the writer listed the virtues of manhood, he acknowledged that these were the same virtues women strive for, we just express them differently.
Then I read a couple posts (here and here) about accepting criticism from one’s husband and making your husband the head of the household in more than just name. The author of the second post does say she wants to put her husband at the center of their family. I have to disagree with that, though it might just be the wording. I think God should always be the center of the family and families that place the husband/father there, are gravely unhappy. Otherwise, though, I see the point of her article.
I am very bossy in our household. I’m the second of seven kids. I know how to order people around. My husband was the baby of his family. And I hate it so much when I find myself bossing him around– it drives him crazy too. But, there are time when I just cannot. close. my. mouth. Does it really matter if he parks us three parking places from my optimal slot? Or he cinch the baby’s diaper just so?
I digress, the point is: what makes a happy family?
The foundation of a stable, happy family would have to be a good marriage. As I am only one half of that marriage and can only control my own actions– what makes a good wife? The are many many books on the subject and oft-quoted bible verses.
But, what works for you? What is one thing you keep in mind throughout the day , or the one thing you strive to always do for your marriage, husband, and family?
Disclaimer: Our little family is really incredibly happy right now. We are so blessed. But I van feel myself starting to coast on this happiness instead of continually working on little areas that need improvement.
I don’t know any families in real life that have stayed truly happy– and that really scares me. Or perhaps my viewpoint got much more cynical since my own family of origin shattered into a million pieces.
So share one tip: what makes a good wife the ever-beating heart of her home?
the first four years 
My vote is “patience” or “compassion”, but there are so many traits that define what it is to be a wife (and what a wonderful wife you are). Whenever I think of a good mother/wife, I always think of the virgin Mary. It always seemed to me that she must have done a pretty wonderful job as a mother and wife to have raised Jesus.
Manhood and womanhood are both opposites of childhood to me, but just at different ends of the spectrum. They are both extreme opposites of what it means to be a child. Without sound to stereotypical, men are defined by there bravery, honor, respectfulness, strength, etc. Women are defined by their compassion, selflessness, patience, etc. These are all real opposites of true childhood, but childhood in this sense is only something that is perceivable for a split second. Once that second is gone, a child has already begun the process of developing into a man or a woman, and they lose that true lack of womanhood or manhood. That was always how I thought about it — but you probably knew that already 🙂 .
Prayer. When I pray and spent time listening to what God is trying to tell me I feel more patient and loving. If only I could remember to do it more 🙂
Thank you for writing about this! I have been struggling with this a lot lately. I have a pretty strong perfectionist streak, and I know I end up bossing my husband around – or worse, insisting I have to do everything myself so that is done up to my standards. I am slowly learning to let things go and that it doesn’t have to be done my way to be right, but it is so HARD because the behavior is so ingrained 😛 Anyway, thanks for the encouragement to go on working on really making a happy marriage. We are happy now – but I, too, notice the “coasting”, and know that I need to work harder, as I did in the beginning of our relationship, to really show love. I don’t ever want to take my husband for granted, and I don’t want to assume that just because things look good on the surface, they really are. Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Woman Only” (written from a Protestant, not Catholic viewpoint, but quite good) has a lot of great insights into how men’s minds work, and I’ve found that helpful as I muddle through figuring out how to be a good wife.
im not a wife yet, but me and ben do have our own little family. just the two of us for now, but its there. and the first thing that came to my mind was what HH said – PATIENCE. and knowing when to let things go, i think is huge. when you wrote “Does it really matter if he parks us three parking places from my optimal slot? ” i actually laughed out loud because thats exactly what ben does to me. im like oooh! there! and he parks 5 slots farther away. and im like @#&*@$&(# but, i know no family is perfect, no matter what appearances might say otherwise, and for me, a huge thing is that i am determined not to end up like my original family. we have good things, we have very bad things, and i think the fact that we all (you, me, the other commentators) care so much about what makes a happy family and knowing that we arent perfect but are will to take advice and do what we can to become the best wife/mother/family we can be, is all we can really ask for, and as long as we actively make sure we are working towards that, and we are happy, i think we’ll turn out just fine.
at least i hope so 🙂