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May 2, 2012

After LPK was born my version of the baby blues was wanting to go back to being pregnant.  I missed being pregnant so much and I was afraid it would be something I never got to experience again.  Plus, I now knew the whole story and it wasn’t as scary as it seemed starting out.  I cried when I put away my maternity clothes and when his umbilical stump fell off.

I really did my best to enjoy my pregnancy with Roo, but I was still surprised to realize that I’m not the least bit sad about no longer having him inside me.  I loved it, I truly did, but it is now just a sweet, cherished memory.

I have a couple theories about why this is:

1. Being pregnant with a toddler to chase after was not easy.  Especially at the end where he really wanted to be held all the time and I couldn’t lift him at all– nor was bending down/over to hug and cuddle that easy an endeavor.  Now I can love on both my boys 🙂

2. I had severe anxiety through out this pregnancy.  We had numerous scares and, quite frankly, I was pessimistic about it ending well.

3. Natural birth.  I am in no way militant about giving birth without drugs.  Every woman is different and has her own priorities and her own pain thresh holds, and that is just fine.  For me, however, going through the pains of childbirth, telling myself after every contraction “that’s one I’ll never have to live through again” was a way of wrapping up my pregnancy.   Unlike LPK’s birth (which I also loved) there was nothing passive about it.  No lying around, no numb extremeties, no doctor telling me when and how to push out my child.  No surprise of “wow, I’m done?”  It was, instead, a very conclusive experience.

Yes, I loved the kicks and the closeness that existed between me and my child for most of the past year, but I’m very happy to have my living healthy baby in my arms.  Of course I’m still very post-partum right now, so watch all my emotions swing the other way in a few weeks.

I was actually sitting at a very long red light last week.  I had just finished a long morning of errands with the kids and, predictably, they had reached their breaking point and were screaming in the back.  There I was, behind the wheel, with the biggest smile on my face as I realized that this was my dream come true and I couldn’t be happier.

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